The Onion reflects on Bette Davis’s film debut as a piece of chocolate cake, Lindbergh’s historic flight across the Atlantic Ocean after decades of disastrous test runs with dog pilots, and the opening of the first McDonald’s with a young Grimace just starting out as a cashier.

BRIMLEY, MI—Local couple Matt and Wendy Ratliff told reporters Tuesday that they have been steadily building up a nest egg of debt to make sure that they always had something tucked away to owe banks and creditors no matter what the future held.

HOBBS, NM—According to friends of the man, area cool basketball fan Kip Conroy calls the sport "b-ball," even though that is not the sport’s official name. "Kip’s always like, ‘Want to play some b-ball?’ or ‘Did you se…

MONTGOMERY, AL—The Alabama Department of Education reported Wednesday that its sole textbook has begun to seriously show its age after more than a decade of heavy daily use at the state’s 1,500 public schools. Officials said the decrepit tome,…

The Week In Pictures

Thorsberg-Bronze-Quill-Award-winning cartoonist Stan Kelly takes you behind the scenes of his latest editorial cartoon, which explores a hidden threat from overseas.

Deadly Imports

Jessica Tanley married Rodney Holl beneath a beautiful evening sky, hoping for a shooting star at the moment of their “I Do’s,” but of course that didn’t happen because Rodney always screws everything up.

NEW YORK— Yankees manager Joe Girardi announced at a press conference Tuesday his plans to give the pitching mound a few days of rest to fully recover from enduring eight grueling innings of hurler CC Sabathia. "A long outing of Sabathia r…

Jubilant Rangers Throw Skates Into Stands