Yo’ mama is so fat, she steps on a dollar and makes four quarters.
Pea Soup vs. Roast Beef
Q: What’s the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Penis vs. Paycheck
Q: What’s the difference between a penis and a paycheck?
A: You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
Blonde’s Appendicitis
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, “You have acute appendicitis.”
The blonde says, “That’s sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help.”
Take Off My Clothes
My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.
Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.
The Statues
In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, “Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I herby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire.”
And with that command, the statues came to life, smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes.
The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, “You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?”
The male statue looked at the female and asked, “Do you want to do it again?”
Smiling, the female statue said, “Sure. But this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll crap on its head.”
Old Lady & The Dollar
A little girl asked her
mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child’s kindness and gave her the required sum.
"There you are, my
dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn’t the lady able to work any
more?"
"Oh yes," came
the reply. "She sells candy."