Onion News Network – Obama Begs Voters Not to Make His Daughters Switch Schools

60040711 145x80 generated Onion News Network   Obama Begs Voters Not to Make His Daughters Switch Schools

The Obama campaign unveils a new strategy: urging Americans to keep him in the White House so Sasha and Malia don’t have to make new friends. (Aired 11/18/11)

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Added: Thu Feb 23 01:25:14 UTC 2012
Air date: Mon Feb 13 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 01:51

Onion News Network – Meet the Man Inside the Nicolas Cage Costume

60040185 145x80 generated Onion News Network   Meet the Man Inside the Nicolas Cage Costume

Star Fix has an exclusive interview with the man who has enchanted audiences for the last 30 years playing the delightfully wacky, oversized puppet of Nicolas Cage.

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Added: Tue Feb 21 21:01:14 UTC 2012
Air date: Wed Feb 08 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 07:45

Onion News Network – Movie Fans Demand New Heath Ledger Performance

60039977 145x80 generated Onion News Network   Movie Fans Demand New Heath Ledger Performance

Movie fans demand to see new Heath Ledger performance in ‘Dark Knight Rises,’ a truly authentic Mexican restaurant is shut down immediately, and another dead body is tossed on a heap somewhere.

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Added: Mon Feb 20 18:19:09 UTC 2012
Air date: Fri Feb 17 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 02:44

Onion News Network – Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable of Rolling Eyes and Texting, to Be Euthanized

60037316 145x80 generated Onion News Network   Brain Dead Teen, Only Capable of Rolling Eyes and Texting, to Be Euthanized

The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being "gay."

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Added: Mon Feb 20 18:18:08 UTC 2012
Air date: Tue Jan 31 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 03:09

Onion News Network – GOP Introduces New “Mystery Candidate”

60038772 145x80 generated Onion News Network   GOP Introduces New Mystery Candidate

Republicans will reveal the identity of the Mystery Candidate only after he, or she, wins the election.

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Added: Mon Feb 20 18:18:08 UTC 2012
Air date: Fri Nov 18 00:00:00 UTC 2011
Duration: 01:54

Onion News Network – Panel Analyzes Obama’s Furious, Profanity-Filled Rant at Nation

60039213 145x80 generated Onion News Network   Panel Analyzes Obamas Furious, Profanity Filled Rant at Nation

In a special post-speech analysis, panelists discuss what America did to make President Obama so angry he was actually spitting while he yelled at us.

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Added: Mon Feb 20 18:18:08 UTC 2012
Air date: Tue Feb 07 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 02:53
Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Onion News Network – s2 | e230 – Poll Reveals GOP Nomination Now Two-Way Race Between Mitt Romney, Total Voter Apathy

60038305 145x80 generated Onion News Network   s2 | e230   Poll Reveals GOP Nomination Now Two Way Race Between Mitt Romney, Total Voter Apathy

The FDA urges Americans to check out a really weird-looking potato, a suitcase looks forward all year to the carousel ride, and Syria is running dangerously low on citizens to oppress. It’s the week of January 30th, 2012.

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Added: Wed Feb 15 19:22:13 UTC 2012
Air date: Fri Feb 03 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 08:15
Rating: 4.1 / 5.0

Onion News Network – Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother

60037825 145x80 generated Onion News Network   Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother

Tyler Perry has signed a $50 million deal to expand his franchise to include films targeted at the world’s 1.4 billion Chinese moviegoers.

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Added: Wed Feb 15 01:28:14 UTC 2012
Air date: Wed Jan 25 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 01:48
Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Onion News Network – Eli Manning Asks Dad if He Can Stop Playing Football Now

60036040 145x80 generated Onion News Network   Eli Manning Asks Dad if He Can Stop Playing Football Now

Eli Manning wins the Super Bowl, but not his freedom from football. It’s a special GOOMF Blast!

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Added: Thu Feb 09 23:17:09 UTC 2012
Air date: Mon Feb 06 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 00:57

Onion News Network – Dead Wife and Kids Replaced by Miniature Horses

60034888 145x80 generated Onion News Network   Dead Wife and Kids Replaced by Miniature Horses

Jim and Tracy partner with the "Bridles of Hope" charity to replace the wife Don Groton lost to a drunk driver with a beautiful miniature horse.

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Added: Thu Feb 09 16:22:15 UTC 2012
Air date: Tue Jan 24 00:00:00 UTC 2012
Duration: 07:54
Rating: 3.8 / 5.0