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The State Reunites, Dispenses Wisdom to Flock
SF Weekly dispensed a true fan to cover The State's reunion show during the past weekend's Sketch Fest. Apart from not-quite comparisons to Eagles and Wu-Tang Clan (does that make Michael Ian Black the Ol' Dirty Bastard/Big Baby Jesus of the group?), the report has some choice photos and recounts, as well as battle-earned insights on "the biz" from the Q&A:
They also filled in details on their departure from MTV, as they were never canceled, but left to flirt with the possibility of a prime time slot on a major network. Talks with ABC never quite panned out, and a tentative deal with CBS would give way to more geriatric programming. Most of them admitted to being "arrogant assholes back then," with Robert Ben Garant passing the sagely advice, "If you get a job in television, don't quit it."
There's also a telling KISS allusion and the best joke you'll hear about Christopher Columbus. Better than your average had-to-be-there!
Touchdown Chowdown
What better way to get ready for Sunday's big game than by combining football with America's favorite pastime, gluttony? That's why, in the new game Touchdown Chowdown, you can binge your way to glory. To play, just click the image below.
The Onion: Kim Jong Il Announces Plan to Bring Moon to North Korea
From Indecision…
You just know that the Democrats will just lie down and let Kim Jong Il do this to the moon…
Joe Biden Liberates Google Maps from Dick Cheney’s Pixelated Oppression
From Indecision…
Feast your freedom-loving eyes on the above image, America! That's a
Google Maps screenshot of the Naval Observatory, which for the past
eight years has been the lair residence of burrower demon former Vice President Dick Cheney.
You've never seen it before, and you'll never guess why…
Google Maps' satellite imagery has shown us clear shots
of the White House, the Capitol and even the Pentagon. But one thing it
never displayed properly was Dick Cheney's house.The Vice President's quarters, located at the Naval Observatory
since 1974, have been pixelated ever since Google has given the public
an easy way to check them out—coincidentally ever since Dick Cheney has
lived there. This censorship wasn't by Google but those supplying
Google the source images, the U.S. Geological Survey.
Now that we have a new Vice President, one who will never vanish to
an undisclosed location (unless it's readily accessible by commuter
rail), the U.S. Geological Survey has begun providing clear images of
the Observatory to Google, and therefore the world.
Of course, this is Joe Biden we're talking about.
Once he finds out how many people are looking at satellite pictures of his house, he'll start mowing gaffes in the lawn.
When Sports Loyalties Go Wrong
I am — and I freely admit this — a lifelong Philadelphia sports fan. I know! I know! That's kind of like admitting, on the Internet, that I'm a masochist who pays women to dig their high heels into my genitals. Except that it's not, because masochists presumably enjoy that sensation. I experience no such pleasure when, every season, I have to watch the Eagles make a valiant attempt at finally winning something only to watch them fall all apart at the end.
But even I know to draw the line of my pain-inducing loyalty somewhere just short of actually betting on the Eagles to not let me get a cookie pan smashed in my face.
Deadspin's AJ Daulerio — also a much put-upon Eagles fan — is not so wise:
This was part of the pay-up for a bet between Daulerio and fellow-Deadspin editor Will Leitch, a life-long Cardinals fan.
Also, as pay-up, Daulerio had to get a tattoo (his first) of a buzzsaw — symbolizing "the buzzsaw that is the Arizona Cardinals… or woodworking" — on his ass.
Daulerio: "If anything this exercise in permanent body desecration has taught me this: I will never, ever bet on the Philadelphia Eagles again."
Let this be a lesson to any young Eagles fans out there: Just give up the dream now — it'll be better for you in the long run.
Obama Inherits Bush’s Google Bombs
From Indecision…
Google must have voted for Nader, because it doesn't think there's any difference between Barack Obama and George W. Bush.
Obama is inheriting all the old links from Bush’s
biography to the term “miserable failure” because the link to his
biography was swapped for Bush’s on the White House site on
Inauguration Day. As a result, a search for “miserable failure” on
Yahoo will likely yield Obama’s biography, and on Google, a search for
“failure” will do the same.
If you think that's bad, just think about how weird it will be in
four years when searches for "first black president" lead to President
Palin's official homepage.
(via alexbalk)
Al Franken Not Completely Officially Wins Senate Seat
From Indecision 2008…
Al Franken is now officially the junior senator from Minnesota.
Or, at least that's what Al Franken and Harry Reid would have us believe…
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) met with
Democratic candidate Al Franken late Wednesday afternoon to proclaim
Franken the victor in Minnesota's Senate race…"The race in Minnesota is over," Reid told a crowd of reporters and
television cameramen who packed into the narrow room. "There's no way
mathematically that's going to change."
Um, I'm not a law-knowing person (or whatever they're called), but
I'm pretty sure that that's not how these things work. I don't think
the senate majority leader gets to declare election victories by fiat.
It's just the Supreme Court that gets to do that.
Can I get a little backing up on this, sad deflated GOP senators?
Coleman met with Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) earlier Wednesday.
McConnell told reporters after the meeting "it remains the view of
every single member of my conference that the Minnesota Senate race
will be decided in Minnesota and not in Washington."
That's what I thought.
Though, maybe McConnell should have told the same thing to Coleman. Because it appears as though he's unaware…
Former Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman is making
preparations for life after office, having signed up as a paid adviser
to the Republican Jewish Coalition earlier this week.The move is the clearest indication to date that the St. Paul
Republican is prepared to lose his legal challenges for the state's
still vacant Senate seat.
Well, I suppose that if Coleman has already admitted defeat in his
head, the least he can do is see to it that everybody else is strung
along for as long as humanly possible just to make the transition as
uncomfortable as possible for all concerned.
It's just common decency.
Reminder: Address The Mess at The South Beach Comedy Festival
Hey South Beach –
Got some unwanted electronics now that the holidays left you with the newest Flat Screen, Gaming System, and iPod? Wondering what to do with last years gadgets gathering dust in your homes? RECYCLE THEM!
January 24th Comedy Central is helping you – ADDRESS YOUR MESS! Recycle your old electronics Saturday, January 24th at The Fillmore at the Jackie Gleason Theatre.
Did you know discarded electronics contribute to over 70% of the toxins found in our nation’s landfills? Comedy Central's Pro-Social initiative, AddressTheMess strives to raise awareness of this environmental crisis by providing information as well as easy, eco-conscience steps to take in our every day lives that might just help the planet in the process. That’s why Comedy Central's Address the Mess is partnering up with the South Beach Comedy Festival, ecomb, SIR International, Comcast, and Atlantic Broadband to help you Scrap your Crap.
Come out on Saturday, January 24th, from 12pm-6pm as AddresstheMess takes over The Fillmore at the Jackie Gleason Theatre (1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach).
Wondering what you can and can’t bring? See below for more information.
Okay Crap for Recycling:
Computers-CPUs, Computer Monitors, Computer Peripherals, Printers, Fax Machines, Keyboards, Photocopiers, Televisions, VCRs, Stereos, Home and Office Phones, Cell Phones, Consumer Electronics.
Computers-CPUs, Computer Monitors, Computer Peripherals, Printers, Fax Machines, Keyboards, Photocopiers, Televisions, VCRs, Stereos, Home and Office Phones, Cell Phones, Consumer Electronics.
Not Okay Crap:
Microwaves, Smoke Alarms/Detectors, Thermometers, Large Appliances-Refrigerators etc., Medical Equipment
Have small electronics that you’d like to recycle but can’t make it on the 24th? Come down to The Fillmore at the Jackie Gleason Theater on Friday, January 23rd, from 12pm-6pm, to recycle them. Small electronics include cell phones, iPods, and laptops.
Visit www.addressthemess.com for more information on this event and to learn other environmentally friendly steps you can take everyday
The Bush Years: Jon Stewart Does George Bush
From Indecision 2008…
Jon Stewart’s impersonation of President George W. Bush has got to be in the record books for one of the worst impersonations of anybody of all time.
So, then, why do we love it so much?
Here’s eight years worth of Jon doing George…